I was glad I got the boldness up to make this call. As I Googled the phone number, and prayed aloud for the words to speak, I was reminded of another day...When I didn't do what God asked me to do.
"Dad, seriously, Johanna is the only person in the entire world who I feel actually loves or even cares about me when it gets down to it! Everything in life is just so messed up and fake!" She sobbed to her adopted father, tears streaming down her face. I wasn't there, but I was told the story. It pricked me through my heart, and I instantly knew I had to invest more time into her troubled life, seek her out, encourage her. She really is such a sweet and precious girl, with so much potential. Her smile lights up a room like Rachel McAdams, I always told her.
I moved away. I knew I should call her, keep in touch, write her, invite her to come and visit me in my new place...But I never did more than once. I was"too busy." Sadly, I confess to you that my young friend ran away from her adopted family, got involved with several addictions, bad association, terrible situations, and finally: jail time. Now, every time I hear of another painful stab into her young life, I feel it in mine. I could have been there for her. I should have made the phone calls I felt I should have: worse yet, I could have made them. I could have shown her the love she so wanted, needed, and craved from me. But I did not.
Of course it is not my fault what has happened to her, but yet I know I could have been there for her, had I followed the promptings I had in the window when I had a sphere of influence. Now, I can but write to her in jail, and try to find her when she's out to "catch up." Though I care so much about her, our lives are so far apart, I fear she can't hear me now. I missed the chance on a golden platter to change a life.
So, driven by a prompting I couldn't miss, I dialed the number, and eargerly awaited the answer, bouncing my knees and tapping my free fingers against the desk...