In other news this week…

It seems there is a constant inquiry as to "What did you do this week, Johanna?" So here, my friends, is the answer...

·         My dad is such an amazing green thumb, I tripped over a white radish on the kitchen floor that was about the size of my lower leg. No smart comments: the radish is big, and my leg is average.

·         While making my burrito bowl in a fast food restaurant, a young man from the Middle East made a running commentary on, of all things, my teeth. I didn’t get what he was saying until he summed it up at the register with the heavily-accented remark, “Eventually, you have, most beautiful smile, in world.”  I accidentally smiled really big and laughed because I got stuck on the word “eventually.” That was kind of mean of me...Yet, I keep walking around saying “eevenchewallee.”

·         I went to see “The Help” with an awesome friend and liked it very much. Do not be surprised if I read the book—or do my hair like it’s the sixties again.

·         I grilled over 50 hamburgers for houseguests and dinner company. Yes, I’m taking something to help with the smoke inhalation. And there will officially be no hamburgers served next week.

·         My sister formally outgrew more of my clothes. Oh no, it’s OK! I don’t fit in them either.

·         I mowed two-and- a-half acres of our lawn with a push mower in one “sitting.”This is my key to becoming hot, if I ever need that. I would have finished it all if the mowers had not gotten tired.

·         I had coffee Monday morning with a mother of ten…accidentally until noon! It was awesome. We talked about you.

·         I replaced the three, chisel-tipped Sharpies I had finished off completely recently while handcrafting all those garage sale signs and tendonitis.

·         In Port Townsend after I got off the ferry, I closed my eyes and listened to the most glorious cello playing for tips outside near the waterfront on a perfect summer day.

·         Our woodshed got filled to capacity for the year on Saturday, thanks to the help of a splitter and many other good friends.

·         My doctor told me on Wednesday that I am not in menopause. This, of course, is good news. Especially since I hadn’t thought of that as an option quite yet…at all. She also charged my dad $400 to poke a hole in my arm, and it’s already healed. She’s the best.

·         The cat only woke me up twice in the middle of the night this week by breaking in the window and licking my knee.

·         I went to Nordstrom with a lovely friend on Tuesday, and we spent all the pennies we found in the parking lot and acted like millionaires. I explained how and helped her discover “her colors” in clothing and makeup, as if she could possibly be more beautiful.

·         My brother successfully flew cross-country and home again without getting searched, undressed, cross-examined, experiencing some form of federally-mandated suffocation, losing baggage, or missing a flight. This is a glorious first. However, his baggage did take a different flight. But that doesn’t count as “bad.”

·         My mother said that from now on when I fly, I am only to purchase “one-way airline tickets.” I was crushed, and I suppose the look on my face told her. She looked at me funny and suddenly changed her mind, saying, “I meant non-stop airline tickets!”

·         Sunday night I finally got to talk to my oldest brother and found out he’s way out of my league. He daily consorts and advises on a first-name basis with third-generation, world-renowned amputation research doctors! Hmm. As amazing as that is, maybe I don’t want to be in that league...

·         A gorgeous Brazilian lady asked me to begin work on her husband’s office interior, because “he’s making people sick walking into his cave!”  He’s a Doctor.

·         Wednesday I heard what my borrowed, Flinthill guitar used to sound like…and realized the tone has become fuller, deeper, mellowed, and rich from being played so much! Maybe she should be paying me for the improvement to the instrument under my fingers?

·         My sister carefully crafted and trimmed five little dogs out of hair she brushed from her dog. She alleges that it is “clean” and the tiny “matts” make the mutts more realistic. Despite her valiant efforts to compel me, I refused to “smell the little doggies’ soft fur.”

·         On Thursday, I went to lunch with my newly married co-worker, and talked her ear off for an hour because I was on an espresso high from the coffee my brother bought me at my Starbucks. She’s fantastically long-suffering, and says weighty things like “Its not so much about how one acts, really: it is about how they react.” Ooooh, how I LIKE her!!!!

·         I spent my evenings picking blueberries, raspberries, making kefir, planning fair entries, browsing paint colors for our new apartment project, baking pie for my hungry people, writing a rental agreement, and listening to little sister tell me about the man she thinks I need to marry. I need more convincing.  I have a few questions about him before I’m interested. Like, “Where does he want to be in five, ten, and fifteen years?” and “What would he think about Sharpie on his bare skin?”

·         My sister put one googley eye in the middle of the bathroom mirror. I had been looking into other options for places to “do the necessities” until it is removed. However, I ended up overcoming my fear of it by drawing  a friendly looking creature with dry erase markers around it, and naming it. Much better now, indeed.

·         I walked into a clothes iron in the dark on my way to get my purse in the kitchen and got a giant burn on my arm. What are the odds? That’s pretty special. It looks like I was fighting pirates.

·         Went to a prospective wedding venue with my brother and Jess, introduced as the “sister-slash-wedding-planner.” I floated poignant questions, admired the beautiful landscaping, scratched my head about the BLUE water in the fountain, smiled at the rooms, asked sweetly about tearing out their décor, and gasped appropriately at the prices. Although we told him we would not be paying what he said, he marked off the days on his little calendar for the wedding, and winked, “The price is negotiable.” I like Joe Wedding Man at Golf Course.

·         Went out to coffee with a close girlfriend who confessed that my accusations of her acting different were true. She’s just starting a courtship relationship this week and I’m so extrememly happy for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

·         Last night I learned a new love song on the guitar in the dark in our family room for a few minutes. The lights flashed on and my sis started singing it, too: exactly copying everything I did with my voice. Suddenly Dad and Mom were there, too. Mom was crying and I think Dad was trying to sing along. So precious. We are a teeny bit emotional these days.


·         I paid taxes at work and was struck by the irony of clicking the “submit and pay” button…

·         I’m sure the mailman is trying to top my UPS guy. The UPS guy may be made of “swag and finesse” and bring me custom mix tapes…But Phil promised to bring me a guitar from his collection. I’m so excited!!!!!

So there you have it. A teeny, incomplete glance into my week...Have an awesome weekend.