Showing posts with label Family. Show all posts

Friday, August 31, 2012

People You Shouldn't Marry V {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry.

THIS is the fifth and final part of the series.

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 5)

Don’t Be a Jezebel (Cont’d)

Thirdly, a Jezebel exalts physical beauty over spiritual beauty. I want to be careful about how I say this because I don’t believe for a moment that being spiritually beautiful means that you can’t keep up with fashion, or that you don’t take care of yourself or your physical appearance. Sadly, there are women who think and operate this way, overshooting modesty and hitting frumpy instead. To make sure we keep things in balance, let’s take a look for a moment at the original Jezebel and where she went wrong.

In 2 Kings 9, the reformer Jehu has ascended to the throne and is now on his way to destroy the last of Ahab’s household. Upon hearing of his coming, Jezebel promptly begins putting on her makeup to prepare herself to meet him. Now, here’s the key: there is nothing inherently sinful about makeup. There’s not even anything wrong with putting your best foot forward when you are about to meet someone important.

The problem here is that Jezebel is trying to use her physical appearance to compensate for the wickedness of her heart. She wants to charm and impress her way into Jehu’s good graces – something she’s probably been able to do herwhole life. And that’s the problem – using physical appearance or charms to compensate for lack of depth of character.

I think that most girls probably do this without realizing it. It’s the ones that realize what they’re doing that worry me the most – the girls that proclaim modesty to others while pushing the boundaries themselves. But the hyper-modest are equally guilty.

Don’t get me wrong – modesty is important. But it is not the be-all, end-all standard of good Christianity. The woman who obsesses over her modesty and snidely condemns the immodesty in others is still guilty of the same idolatry as the girl who dresses to attract or impress men. It is the idolatry of physical appearance over inner beauty. Here is what Peter says:

Do not let your adorning be external–the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear– but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands… (1Pe 3:3-5)

Peter is not telling women that they cannot braid their hair or wear jewelry any more than he is telling them that they cannot wear clothes. The key is in these words: “…but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart…” It is not that you should not look nice or wear nice things. But that is not your adorning. That is not the standard by which you will judge your own worth or the worth of others.

So there you have it, my little Tirza. Do not marry an Ahab. Do not be a Jezebel. I hope that wherever you are, whenever you are reading this, that you are well and that you know that your Daddy still loves you with all of his heart.

Affectionately,

Your Doting Daddy

Friday, August 24, 2012

People You Shouldn't Marry IV {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry.

THIS is the fourth part, and its for the ladies...Or is it for the men?

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 4)

Don’t Be a Jezebel

Lastly dear heart, as important as it is that you should not marry an Ahab, it is just as important that you should not be a Jezebel.

Jezebel – Even the mere mention of the name conjures up images of a woman who is morally-loose. As a culture we associate Jezebel with the temptress, the sorceress, the seductress. There are vague impressions of too much makeup, of muslin veils and dimly-lit palaces. But, when it comes right down to it, Jezebel is really much simpler than that. Jezebel is probably a very nice girl to hang out with and it’s quite likely she goes to church. She has a normal family, and given time she will almost certainly marry, or at least date a good deal, because she is the kind of woman for which the Ahabs of the world are looking.

First, Jezebel attains her self-worth and self-identity through idolatry. In ancient times, a person’s name carried great power and significance. It told you something about that person, and in a very real way it was their identity. Jezebel’s name, literally-translated from her native tongue, means “The Prince Baal Lives,” or “The Prince Baal Exists.” As I’m sure you know by now, Baal is a Canaanite fertility and weather god, worshiped by the same Syro-Phoenicean religion of which Jezebel’s own father was high priest before he became king of Sidon.

But in Hebrew, and this is a most unfortunate play on words, Jezebel’s name can mean, “There is no nobility.” The point, whether or not you put stock in the meaning of Biblical names, is that Jezebel was a woman who found her identity and her fulfillment in promoting her false religion – in promoting idolatry. In this way, she is not so different from the Jezebels of our own time, who seek for their fulfillment and self-worth on all of the pagan altars of the world: On Facebook, in their career, in their physical appearance, in ministry, and in men.

Of course the problem with this is that looking to any of these things for the fulfillment that you can only attain via a personal and vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ is the very essence of idolatry, not less than Jezebel’s altars and asherim. A woman who does this is not just rejecting her God-given purpose as a woman, she is rejecting what it means to be a Christian. Such a woman I hope and pray that you will not be, and such a woman is not ready or fit to be a helpmeet.

Secondly, Jezebels will cater to a man’s selfishness. Going back to 1 Kings 21, we see Ahab sulking because Naboth would not violate the Mosaic law and sell his ancestral inheritance out of his tribe. Jezebel, perhaps history’s worst example of an enabler, took matters into her own hands and had Naboth brought up on trumped-up charges and promptly executed.

Tirza, if you remember nothing else of this little talk, remember this: A woman who will cater to her husband’s selfish impulses will be the single most destructive influence in his life.

One of the things that I have always admired about your mother, and one of the things which first endeared her to me, was the fact that she has quite simply never put up with my crap. Lovingly, gently, she has maintained high expectations of the man I ought to be, and she is ever holding me to them. I think it is something that she does unconsciously, and frankly I find it unnerving at times. But she expects manhood of me, and that affects my behavior because I love her and want her to be happy.

I don’t mean to sound as though your mother somehow bullies me into Christianity, because that is not the case. But you need to understand that very much of how a man behaves is based upon the expectations that people have for him. If people will tolerate or reward his selfishness and unrestrained ego, then that is how he will behave. But if you treat your man like a Man, and lay upon him all the commensurate responsibilities and rewards, he will very quickly grow into them. If he doesn’t, then he’s not the man you are looking for.

Friday, August 17, 2012

People You Shouldn't Marry III {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry.

THIS is the third part, and I hope it makes people squirm--just a little.

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 3)

Spotting an Ahab (Cont’d)

Third, an Ahab will shift blame. Psychologists call this having an “external locus of control.” Simply put, when things are going badly, it’s never their fault. It’s your fault, or their parents’ fault, or their employer’s fault or the system’s fault. We see this plainly demonstrated in Ahab’s confrontation with Elijah in the wilderness, where he blames Elijah for the years of drought that Israel has experience as a result of God’s judgment:

When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, “Is it you, you troubler of Israel?”(1Ki 18:17)

Elijah is quick to point out Ahab’s error, as well as remind him of the true source of Israel’s woes:

And he answered, “I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father’s house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the LORD and followed the Baals…” (1Ki 18:18)

This brings us to an important question you should ask yourself about any young man: does he shift blame or take responsibility? Now, this is tricky, my dear, because some Ahabs are smart enough to shift the blame while at the same time making it look like they are taking responsibility, especially if you are accommodating.

They will verbally castigate themselves all the while dropping hints to you about how hard their environment is, how negative the culture or people around them are, or the seemingly insurmountable odds that they have tried in vain to overcome – and they will do this until you have no choice but to sympathize and tell them that it isn’t really their fault.

That’s actually a really good place to transition to the fourth unique trait of an Ahab – Ahabs will ultimately look to a woman to solve their problems. It might be their mother, or their girlfriend, or the suspiciously-large circle of girls they hang out with that are “just friends” (which should also always be a warning sign, by the way), but at the end of the day they will seek their validation and fulfillment in the Woman instead of the Word.

The classic example of this is found in 1 Kings 21. Ahab, who is already moping because of the judgment pronounced upon him by Elijah, decides to engage in a little retail therapy. He sees the vineyard of Naboth (which is roughly Hebrew for “vineyard guy”, leading me to think that this must have been a very nice vineyard indeed) and wants to buy it.

Naboth won’t sell, because of his desire to adhere to a stipulation of the Mosaic Law, and so Ahab promptly goes to his room and pouts and refuses to eat until Jezebel finally solves his problem via an elaborate scheme involving trumped-up blasphemy charges and a kangaroo court.

There is a trickier variety of this which is more difficult to spot – the man who pines away for female companionship or recognition, and uses this to fuel the engine of self-pity. Like any other kind of sin, this is ultimately a corruption of something that God created, in this case the God-given need for woman. And I don’t even mean to say that all men who greatly desire female companionship are like this. The rule should be, if you even have to ask if your candidate is the exception, he probably isn’t. As I said earlier, he should need you to make his good life great, not his miserable life good.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

People You Shouldn't Marry II {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry.

THIS is the second part, that I like even more than the first part (which I didn't previously think possible).

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 2)

Spotting an Ahab

Spotting an Ahab is easy, if you know what to look for. You will find them on the street, you will find them in the workplace, and you will probably find a disproportionately large number of them in the church. The church is a sort of safe-haven for scoundrels. The outside world is largely still a meritocracy, where men are judged based on a number of criteria. Although these criteria are often not biblical, there remains a certain expectation that a man must act in certain ways and accomplish certain things to be considered respectable.

On the other hand, the church has been hearing “judge not” for so long that they have begun to lose sight of wisdom and discernment. And so the church is full of perfectly placid “good boys” and “decent guys” who share all of Ahabs’ weaknesses, if perhaps none of his malice.

First, an Ahab serves only when it is convenient or advantageous to do so. We see this in 1 Kings 20-21, when Ahab is given victory over Ben-Hadad of Syria. Ahab obeys God’s leading and God consequently gives him a great victory over the Syrians. But then at the end of the battle, Ben-Hadad is taken captive and brought before Ahab.

Ahab, though he is commanded by God to kill this wicked gentile king, instead decides to grant him clemency in exchange for some territorial and political concessions. No doubt this seemed to Ahab to be a good plan at the time, saving him a lot of effort and conquest. But it was also in direct disobedience to the Word of God.

This is what Ahabs do. They will serve in the church, as long as people notice what they are doing and it accrues to their credit. They will be honorable, so long as there is something to be gained by it. But the Ahab lacks the courage and integrity to do what is right when it will not tip the scale in his favor.

Secondly, an Ahab feeds on self-pity. We see this in 1 Kings 21, where Ahab essentially goes into severe depression and stops eating simply because he cannot get what he wants. He is self-focused, incapable of showing love to others except where it benefits himself.

Ahabs will have a lot of friends – in fact, they may be completely surrounded with people. Many of these people may even genuinely like Ahab and think that he is a “good guy.” But when you take a closer look at the dynamic of these relationships, a disturbing trend emerges. Ahab is not the energy-giver, he is the energy-taker. He wears his friends and his family out with his constant craving for self-attention and self-exaltation.

It is this very trait which will probably endear him to you. He needs you. He can’t get along without you. And there is a certain kind of person, a certain species of pride, which will thrive and feed off of the Ahab because on a fundamental level it needs to be needed. This particular kind of relationship is damaging and destructive because each species of pride and self-absorption feeds on the other.

Here’s a quick-and-dirty rule for you, Tirza, when considering a future spouse: Is he already a “whole person” without you? Before you came along, was he a healthy, energy-giving servant of the king? If the answer is “no”, then he is not the man for you. It isn’t that a good spouse shouldn’t complete you – but the man you marry needs to be the sort of man who has already grounded himself in Jesus Christ. You are not his salvation. You are not his fulfillment. Any man who is wallowing in self-pity before you come along and pick him up out of the gutter will make an idol out of you as he has himself. And what we idolize, we will eventually come to despise.

To be continued...

Monday, August 13, 2012

People You Shouldn't Marry I {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry.

THIS I find very interesting.

And I know you will, too.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Part 1)

In Living Like a King, Richard Rohlin will be examining the kings of Israel and Judah during the Divided Kingdom period. He’ll look at the good, the bad, and the ugly, and from them we’ll learn together what kind of men we ought – or ought not – to be.

“And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the LORD above all that were before him.” (1Ki 16:30)

As of this last Friday, my daughter, Tirza, is just six weeks old. This past weekend we took her for her first serious roadtrip when we went out of town for a family member’s wedding. As the bride came down the aisle, it was hard not to look down at the little girl I held in my arms and wonder if that would be my daughter some twenty years hence. I think most dads with daughters will agreewith me that no thought is quite so terrifying.

What kind of woman will she be? Who will she marry? Will it be someone who is good for her – a man who will lead her in a loving and Christlike fashion? Will I have the discernment to know the good men from the charletons and fakes? I pray that I will. But while I am uncertain about many things regarding my daughter’s future and my role in it, I am certain of one thing: I do not want her to marry an Ahab, nor do I want her to be a Jezebel.

So Tirza, if you’re reading this, all those years from now, this one’s for you.

You probably already know about Ahab and Jezebel. You know that they were bad people. In fact, when your mother and I chose your name, there was a long list of names from which we could chosen – but Jezebel never even made the list. It’s synonymous today with a wicked and morally loose woman, and there’s a good reason for that. The original Jezebel set a precedent for wickedness that has ruined the name for any future Jezebels who came after her.

Ahab wasn’t any saint, either. In 1 Kings, we read that Ahab did more evil than any of the kings that were before him. It actually goes into more detail than that, because we see that Ahab knew he was evil and he took pleasure in it, his depraved heart constantly looking for more ways to sin.

And it came to pass, as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him. (1Ki 16:31)

Ahab’s marriage to Jezebel is listed as one of the greatest and most aggregious of his sins – and there’s a good reason for that. Marriage changes you in ways that nothing else will. If you marry well, as I believe I have, then it will be a wonderful blessing that will draw you closer to God in ways unexplainable to a single person. But if you, as a woman, marry an Ahab (or for a man, a Jezebel), it will equally define your life for the worse.

One of the things that a spouse will do is amplify everything aspect of your personality. That is, a good spouse will draw out the good things and make them more so, and a bad spouse will do the same with the bad things. In Ahab’s case, he was already a wicked and idolatrous man, but it was through Jezebel that Baal-worship would first be introduced to the Northern Kingdom of Israel. On the other hand, a good spouse should make you more Christ-like; they are one of the tools that God uses in the process of sanctification.

To be continued…

Friday, August 10, 2012

The Muse I {Guest Post}

My brother writes. I aspire to his prowess, eternally.

Case in point, I give you the first 700 words of The Muse.

________________

Some stories begin and end badly. We generally call these tragedies and, like murderously spicy ghost peppers they should consumed in small doses or not at all. Similarly, a good tragedy is equal parts ironic and contemplative, accentuating a concept greater than sorrow in light of some greater truth. Simple sorrows compounded and collected are freely available at every city corner where a man with a cardboard sign and a practiced frown reside.

Despite all initial appearances, this story is not a tragedy. As a rule, stories with good endings must begin badly in order to accentuate the true sweetness at its core and conclusion.

Melpomenes was the muse of tragedy. With dark hair and eyes red and rimmed from tears she was never the less ethereal in a dark, overcast sort of way. For several centuries now it had been her divinely appointed duty to sit at the side of weeping, heartbroken playwrights, poets, and authors as they poured their liquid soul into page after page of soliloquy and regret. It was a depressing job, but Melpomenes had always been very good at it and honing purgatorial pangs into timeless tragedy was truly her life work.

In the old days it was a scant few who had the time to write and her work had been light. Skipping between the bearded, toga wearing aficionados of the genre had been simple work. The work was tedious and time consuming, but with so much time in copying and recopying, only the very best of her work ever made it into the hands of her avid patrons. Then had come the printing press and as had always been the case for her mythic kin, technology had been her undoing. Now anyone with time and money could see their tragic tale printed bound and sold and with few exceptions it was dreadful.

Her child's father had been one of these exceptions. Tubercular with dwindling fortunes, the young man, confined to his dreary room with its battered old four poster bed and moth eaten curtains had grasped the concept of suffering and the scope of remorse like few since Shakespeare. His prose was heavenly, his poetry divine, and his plays entirely inspired.

Perhaps it had been the utterly doomed and catastrophic nature of the thing, but Melpomenes had fallen head over heels in love. Breaking the ancient musaic codes which limited any contact with the creator to untraceable inspirational whispers, she had revealed herself in the guise of a charming and unsolicited maid. With all the frantic passion of the hopeless, the sad Englishman with his droopy blue eyes and sallow features was married and died in only very nearly that order.

So it was on that in the early Spring of 1805, as Napoleon trampled Europe and great men gathered across the continent to discuss his demise, that a small infinitely delicate basket was left on the steps of the House on Dunnagh's Moor. It had stormed all day that day, the rain so hard, and the sky so murky that even the ducks in narrow moat took shelter from the thundering sky. As the housekeeper Mrs. Mulrooney told it years later, it was if the very heavens themselves were weeping cold iron from a broken heart.

The proprietor of the house, Colonel Dunnagh was the last in a great line of Dunnaghs reaching back to the great clans and further. With one eye, one leg, eight fingers, and a single ragged ear, he had at last been forced out of his majesties service by reason of insubordination. Returning to his decrepit ancestral home, the mossy battlements crumbling about the great wooden door, the battered soldier quickly remembered why he had left. In his youth, the young soldier, wild and charming had taken a Spanish wife, a creature of sun kissed villas and fragrant vineyards. Bringing her to his chilly Highland manor, the woman had, despite his unending ministrations, slowly withered and died. Guilt ridden, the young Lord Dunnagh had purchased a commission in the Royal Army vowing never to return.

Well liked, the young lieutenant had risen quickly in the ranks, catching the attention of his commanders by volunteering for the most uncharitable and well nigh suicidal missions fighting first the French, then the Colonists, and every type and sort between. Finally mustered out after a sword swinging rant against the Kings cowardly practice of paying other nations to fight Napoleon, when, in his words he would put him down for a bob, the battered old man had found himself with nowhere to go but to the home he hated. His superiors had been relieved.

______

To be continued...

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Living for Reality

Reality. Its just what people need to see. Does that girl standing by herself even know what its like to feel perfect, unchanging love? Does she know she doesn’t have to be faultless to meet some unreal standard, even from people she adores? Does she know loving God and living life is actually an amazingly happy experience of freedom and peace, not a matching set of cruel judgment and rules?

Sometimes, my heart throbs with that anthem on behalf of others. Real life in Christ is so holy…yet unabashedly fun. How do people skip the combo? The forward to a favorite book entitled The Christian’s Secret to A Happy Life from 1883, starts with an anecdote from a “keen observer.” He says, “You Christians seem to have a religion that makes you miserable. You are like a man with a headache. He does not want to get rid of his head, but it hurts him to keep it. You cannot expect outsiders to seek very earnestly for something so uncomfortable.” So I ask you, why miss out when you have it all?

My phone rang and rattled in the cup holder as I drove down a winding road along the waterfront. I saw the name of a dear young girl across my screen and decided to pull over to take it. I steered into a turnout, usually packed with local fisherman: but the sun was so hot this particular morning, that I found myself alone.

“Hello Sweetheart! What’s up?” I answered.

Yells of anger and desperation flooded from the receiver. Surprised, I jerked the phone back from my ear and waited for the torrent to let up a little. The girl’s mother was the tortured voice pouring out the anguish of “bigger issues” onto me with blame from a heart of obvious misery. I took a deep breathe and verbally juggled my own sudden emotions with hers, searching for some sort of comprehension of what was tearing her apart and what I could have possibly done to make it apply to me. She hung up on me after only a few minutes of accusatory, divisive rage.

I sat there for another 45 minutes, at least. Yes, I had a full schedule, but now I had an overflowing heart, too. I prayed, I called my parents, and I just felt plain old sad. The dear friend called back after several hours passed and apologized profusely, taking back her vindictive accusations. Yet, I still lived on in wonder and tearful self-examination. “What’s going on? I just want to love people and be in love with You!” I begged the Lord.

Source: society6.com via Nicole on Pinterest

What’s the connection to the topic of happy reality, you ask? That’s just it. “Bigger issues” aside, whatever they might have been for the poor mommy, her standard of perfection pressed upon others is made by herself from what she has heard is “good.” God has a different standard than ours and sometimes…we are so blinded by self-righteousness or stuff good people say that we block out His glittering glory of mercy, grace, freedom, joy, peace, and downright truth for what it actually is. And God is lost in our image of who we have created in our own imagination. No wonder people live like they have a headache…

I would never in my entire life cross a parent’s boundaries for their own child. But at the same time, I find in myself a need to abide by a standard so much higher in a different way than apparently can be comprehended by those blinded by their own opinion. God makes demands upon me to live for Him, without any fake layer of perfection. He has asked me to yield to Him to change me day by day, but also to be real about my thoughts, my attitudes, my emotions, and trust Him with how others take it. Meanwhile, I cannot be tossed around by mere good people’s opinions and perspectives…and neither should they. What does God have to say? And how does He want your life to look lived before Him…and the entire watching world? I cannot live for you, regardless of how much I love you.

Source: outcamethesun.tumblr.com via Nicole on Pinterest

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Monday, August 6, 2012

Just Sayin'

If you are not perfect, the world will not fall apart.

Is it you who is “in control of the affairs of men”?

Even if it is not your idea and coming from a standardly dumb source, could it possibly actually be a VERY good idea?

What mistake is bigger than God?

Do you rant at people about their mistakes…to help them?

Our desires to protect and preserve what we have…may actually be glorified selfishness.

Our focus on making people better for their own good…may actually be destroying relationships.

Our passion for making life great for everyone by eliminating others’ mistakes …may actually be making life very irritating.

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Saturday, July 21, 2012

Recognizing Brutal Adoration

Thankfully, my little sister is more verbal than most. Why do I say “thankfully”? Because I have discovered that her little heart is full of so much unsullied clarity of life perspective that she unwittingly constantly pours into mine. With younger siblings, it is simple to write off the stream of talking as babble mingled with tonic of absurdities, a dash of profanity, and a heaping dose of reproaches, finally poured over an expression of immaturity. But more often than not, it is where true love is uncovered.

Source: Uploaded by user via Johanna on Pinterest

Years ago, I was in a difficult relationship that older sisters will get into. My little sister practically verbally shredded the man to me every night before bed through her mental cheese grater, while I groaned back about how hard it was to hear her constant belittling when I was just fretfully trying to “sort things out and decide for myself.” When she was around him, she used her not-so-subtle ways to get across her heart: “he wasn’t good enough for her sister nor respected her adequately.” The story actually includes her vomiting on him. Yes, I am sorry to add that part. Purposeful, direct, explosive vomit is terribly effective communication…if people will realize it is on purpose.

Now that time has passed and he is too (i.e. my dad has asked him four times on our behalf to move on), I can see what my baby sister saw. She was telling me the truth in her own way. I fell on our bed and cried a couple days ago with the realization of how terribly I had treated her through that time, when she really just loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Days still come and go where I take a swing at her verbally (or physically) asking her to “please quit telling me that!” when the reality is…no one else would be brave enough to tell me my glaring faults. Those who have siblings, have been given a treasure in their kin’s brutal honesty, love, and in my case, adoration: that relationship can’t be found anywhere else. (Yes, I do mean “brutal adoration.”)

Source: gypsymess.tumblr.com via Johanna on Pinterest

At the recent girls conference, Lauren and Mikaela Cash shared a talk called “Don’t Just Live with Your Siblings.” Personally, I am giving them five stars. Their talk starts at minute 2:35.

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Do WHAT to My Parents?

^{Exodus 20:12}Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

“What does it mean to honor my parents?” I frequently asked myself as a frustrated teen.

Then I inquired again as a young adult, as I continued to wonder at adapting this illusive concept into practicality.

Now that I’m (potentially) old enough to be your mother, I may have “figured it out!”

Does “honoring your parents” mean…

Thinking of them with every action or attitude?
Attempting to frame your life around their desires for you?
Allowing your parents to vicariously live their dreams through you?
Only doing their ideas or suggestions, while setting your own aside?
Forcing yourself to “suck up” to them, so they make life easier?
Adopting their standards or convictions so they are happy?
Choosing not to “think for yourself” to make sure you don’t collide with their opinions?
Keeping your mouth shut around them, so they don’t know x, y, or z?
Forfeiting honesty towards your own heart, so that their life is easier?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, I argue with you that your parents are not actually being honored and you are wasting a life that is actually yours.

If you strongly reacted that these are insane thoughts you would never dream of thinking, I argue with you that you may be more drastically selfish than you give yourself credit.

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I don’t know all the details, but for me and my life…This is the “honor” I have come to realize.

Living a life dedicated to Someone eternally more important and loftier, than even family…and sacrificing your desires to reach higher goals for the cause of Christ
Building your life upon the gifts (time, lessons, wisdom, discipline, etc) your parents have given, but ultimately choosing for yourself how you build thereon.
Investing reciprocally in the family’s needs (time, cleaning, financial, food, etc) without motive of gain
Pursuing a relationship with your parents in the realization that no beautiful friendship is one-sided
Attentiveness to their needs and what they are telling, showing, or teaching you
Mutual respect, and often respect for their God-given authority more than waiting for it to be deserved
Thoughtfulness
Gratitude

When I found this place of “honor” my parents were more “pleased” with me than they ever were before when I vacillated between unhealthy "worship" like the first list, and a continuous frustration with “not measuring up.” Be yourself. But be the kindest version of yourself living for a higher purpose, and as a by-product it is certain your parents will be honored.