People You Shouldn't Marry IV {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry. 

THIS is the fourth part, and its for the ladies...Or is it for the men?

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 4)

Don’t Be a Jezebel

Lastly dear heart, as important as it is that you should not marry an Ahab, it is just as important that you should not be a Jezebel.

Jezebel – Even the mere mention of the name conjures up images of a woman who is morally-loose. As a culture we associate Jezebel with the temptress, the sorceress, the seductress. There are vague impressions of too much makeup, of muslin veils and dimly-lit palaces. But, when it comes right down to it, Jezebel is really much simpler than that. Jezebel is probably a very nice girl to hang out with and it’s quite likely she goes to church. She has a normal family, and given time she will almost certainly marry, or at least date a good deal, because she is the kind of woman for which the Ahabs of the world are looking.

First, Jezebel attains her self-worth and self-identity through idolatry. In ancient times, a person’s name carried great power and significance. It told you something about that person, and in a very real way it was their identity. Jezebel’s name, literally-translated from her native tongue, means “The Prince Baal Lives,” or “The Prince Baal Exists.” As I’m sure you know by now, Baal is a Canaanite fertility and weather god, worshiped by the same Syro-Phoenicean religion of which Jezebel’s own father was high priest before he became king of Sidon.

But in Hebrew, and this is a most unfortunate play on words, Jezebel’s name can mean, “There is no nobility.” The point, whether or not you put stock in the meaning of Biblical names, is that Jezebel was a woman who found her identity and her fulfillment in promoting her false religion – in promoting idolatry. In this way, she is not so different from the Jezebels of our own time, who seek for their fulfillment and self-worth on all of the pagan altars of the world: On Facebook, in their career, in their physical appearance, in ministry, and in men.

Of course the problem with this is that looking to any of these things for the fulfillment that you can only attain via a personal and vibrant relationship with Jesus Christ is the very essence of idolatry, not less than Jezebel’s altars and asherim. A woman who does this is not just rejecting her God-given purpose as a woman, she is rejecting what it means to be a Christian. Such a woman I hope and pray that you will not be, and such a woman is not ready or fit to be a helpmeet.

Secondly, Jezebels will cater to a man’s selfishness. Going back to 1 Kings 21, we see Ahab sulking because Naboth would not violate the Mosaic law and sell his ancestral inheritance out of his tribe. Jezebel, perhaps history’s worst example of an enabler, took matters into her own hands and had Naboth brought up on trumped-up charges and promptly executed.

Tirza, if you remember nothing else of this little talk, remember this: A woman who will cater to her husband’s selfish impulses will be the single most destructive influence in his life.

One of the things that I have always admired about your mother, and one of the things which first endeared her to me, was the fact that she has quite simply never put up with my crap. Lovingly, gently, she has maintained high expectations of the man I ought to be, and she is ever holding me to them. I think it is something that she does unconsciously, and frankly I find it unnerving at times. But she expects manhood of me, and that affects my behavior because I love her and want her to be happy.

I don’t mean to sound as though your mother somehow bullies me into Christianity, because that is not the case. But you need to understand that very much of how a man behaves is based upon the expectations that people have for him. If people will tolerate or reward his selfishness and unrestrained ego, then that is how he will behave. But if you treat your man like a Man, and lay upon him all the commensurate responsibilities and rewards, he will very quickly grow into them. If he doesn’t, then he’s not the man you are looking for.

People You Shouldn't Marry III {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry. 

THIS is the third part, and I hope it makes people squirm--just a little.

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 3)

Spotting an Ahab (Cont’d)

Third, an Ahab will shift blame. Psychologists call this having an “external locus of control.” Simply put, when things are going badly, it’s never their fault. It’s your fault, or their parents’ fault, or their employer’s fault or the system’s fault. We see this plainly demonstrated in Ahab’s confrontation with Elijah in the wilderness, where he blames Elijah for the years of drought that Israel has experience as a result of God’s judgment:

When Ahab saw Elijah, Ahab said to him, “Is it you, you troubler of Israel?”(1Ki 18:17)

Elijah is quick to point out Ahab’s error, as well as remind him of the true source of Israel’s woes:

And he answered, “I have not troubled Israel, but you have, and your father’s house, because you have abandoned the commandments of the LORD and followed the Baals…” (1Ki 18:18)

This brings us to an important question you should ask yourself about any young man: does he shift blame or take responsibility? Now, this is tricky, my dear, because some Ahabs are smart enough to shift the blame while at the same time making it look like they are taking responsibility, especially if you are accommodating.

They will verbally castigate themselves all the while dropping hints to you about how hard their environment is, how negative the culture or people around them are, or the seemingly insurmountable odds that they have tried in vain to overcome – and they will do this until you have no choice but to sympathize and tell them that it isn’t really their fault.

That’s actually a really good place to transition to the fourth unique trait of an Ahab – Ahabs will ultimately look to a woman to solve their problems. It might be their mother, or their girlfriend, or the suspiciously-large circle of girls they hang out with that are “just friends” (which should also always be a warning sign, by the way), but at the end of the day they will seek their validation and fulfillment in the Woman instead of the Word.

The classic example of this is found in 1 Kings 21. Ahab, who is already moping because of the judgment pronounced upon him by Elijah, decides to engage in a little retail therapy. He sees the vineyard of Naboth (which is roughly Hebrew for “vineyard guy”, leading me to think that this must have been a very nice vineyard indeed) and wants to buy it.

Naboth won’t sell, because of his desire to adhere to a stipulation of the Mosaic Law, and so Ahab promptly goes to his room and pouts and refuses to eat until Jezebel finally solves his problem via an elaborate scheme involving trumped-up blasphemy charges and a kangaroo court.

There is a trickier variety of this which is more difficult to spot – the man who pines away for female companionship or recognition, and uses this to fuel the engine of self-pity. Like any other kind of sin, this is ultimately a corruption of something that God created, in this case the God-given need for woman. And I don’t even mean to say that all men who greatly desire female companionship are like this. The rule should be, if you even have to ask if your candidate is the exception, he probably isn’t. As I said earlier, he should need you to make his good life great, not his miserable life good.

People You Shouldn't Marry II {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the Gentleman Adventurer.

And he's talking about who you should not marry. 

THIS is the second part, that I like even more than the first part (which I didn't previously think possible).

And I know you will appreciate his insight.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Pt 2)

Spotting an Ahab

Spotting an Ahab is easy, if you know what to look for. You will find them on the street, you will find them in the workplace, and you will probably find a disproportionately large number of them in the church. The church is a sort of safe-haven for scoundrels. The outside world is largely still a meritocracy, where men are judged based on a number of criteria. Although these criteria are often not biblical, there remains a certain expectation that a man must act in certain ways and accomplish certain things to be considered respectable.

On the other hand, the church has been hearing “judge not” for so long that they have begun to lose sight of wisdom and discernment. And so the church is full of perfectly placid “good boys” and “decent guys” who share all of Ahabs’ weaknesses, if perhaps none of his malice.

First, an Ahab serves only when it is convenient or advantageous to do so. We see this in 1 Kings 20-21, when Ahab is given victory over Ben-Hadad of Syria. Ahab obeys God’s leading and God consequently gives him a great victory over the Syrians. But then at the end of the battle, Ben-Hadad is taken captive and brought before Ahab.

Ahab, though he is commanded by God to kill this wicked gentile king, instead decides to grant him clemency in exchange for some territorial and political concessions. No doubt this seemed to Ahab to be a good plan at the time, saving him a lot of effort and conquest. But it was also in direct disobedience to the Word of God.

This is what Ahabs do. They will serve in the church, as long as people notice what they are doing and it accrues to their credit. They will be honorable, so long as there is something to be gained by it. But the Ahab lacks the courage and integrity to do what is right when it will not tip the scale in his favor.

Secondly, an Ahab feeds on self-pity. We see this in 1 Kings 21, where Ahab essentially goes into severe depression and stops eating simply because he cannot get what he wants. He is self-focused, incapable of showing love to others except where it benefits himself.

Ahabs will have a lot of friends – in fact, they may be completely surrounded with people. Many of these people may even genuinely like Ahab and think that he is a “good guy.” But when you take a closer look at the dynamic of these relationships, a disturbing trend emerges. Ahab is not the energy-giver, he is the energy-taker. He wears his friends and his family out with his constant craving for self-attention and self-exaltation.

It is this very trait which will probably endear him to you. He needs you. He can’t get along without you. And there is a certain kind of person, a certain species of pride, which will thrive and feed off of the Ahab because on a fundamental level it needs to be needed. This particular kind of relationship is damaging and destructive because each species of pride and self-absorption feeds on the other.

Here’s a quick-and-dirty rule for you, Tirza, when considering a future spouse: Is he already a “whole person” without you? Before you came along, was he a healthy, energy-giving servant of the king? If the answer is “no”, then he is not the man for you. It isn’t that a good spouse shouldn’t complete you – but the man you marry needs to be the sort of man who has already grounded himself in Jesus Christ. You are not his salvation. You are not his fulfillment. Any man who is wallowing in self-pity before you come along and pick him up out of the gutter will make an idol out of you as he has himself. And what we idolize, we will eventually come to despise.

To be continued...

People You Shouldn't Marry I {Guest Post}

This guest post is by Richard Rohlin: the  Gentleman Adventurer. 

And he's talking about who you should not marry. 

THIS I find very interesting. 

And I know you will, too.

People You Shouldn’t Marry (Part 1)

In Living Like a King, Richard Rohlin will be examining the kings of Israel and Judah during the Divided Kingdom period. He’ll look at the good, the bad, and the ugly, and from them we’ll learn together what kind of men we ought – or ought not – to be.

“And Ahab the son of Omri did evil in the sight of the LORD above all that were before him.” (1Ki 16:30)

As of this last Friday, my daughter, Tirza, is just six weeks old. This past weekend we took her for her first serious roadtrip when we went out of town for a family member’s wedding. As the bride came down the aisle, it was hard not to look down at the little girl I held in my arms and wonder if that would be my daughter some twenty years hence. I think most dads with daughters will agreewith me that no thought is quite so terrifying.

What kind of woman will she be? Who will she marry? Will it be someone who is good for her – a man who will lead her in a loving and Christlike fashion? Will I have the discernment to know the good men from the charletons and fakes? I pray that I will. But while I am uncertain about many things regarding my daughter’s future and my role in it, I am certain of one thing: I do not want her to marry an Ahab, nor do I want her to be a Jezebel.

So Tirza, if you’re reading this, all those years from now, this one’s for you.

You probably already know about Ahab and Jezebel. You know that they were bad people. In fact, when your mother and I chose your name, there was a long list of names from which we could chosen – but Jezebel never even made the list. It’s synonymous today with a wicked and morally loose woman, and there’s a good reason for that. The original Jezebel set a precedent for wickedness that has ruined the name for any future Jezebels who came after her.

Ahab wasn’t any saint, either. In 1 Kings, we read that Ahab did more evil than any of the kings that were before him. It actually goes into more detail than that, because we see that Ahab knew he was evil and he took pleasure in it, his depraved heart constantly looking for more ways to sin.

And it came to pass, as if it had been a light thing for him to walk in the sins of Jeroboam the son of Nebat, that he took to wife Jezebel the daughter of Ethbaal king of the Zidonians, and went and served Baal, and worshipped him. (1Ki 16:31)

Ahab’s marriage to Jezebel is listed as one of the greatest and most aggregious of his sins – and there’s a good reason for that. Marriage changes you in ways that nothing else will. If you marry well, as I believe I have, then it will be a wonderful blessing that will draw you closer to God in ways unexplainable to a single person. But if you, as a woman, marry an Ahab (or for a man, a Jezebel), it will equally define your life for the worse.

One of the things that a spouse will do is amplify everything aspect of your personality. That is, a good spouse will draw out the good things and make them more so, and a bad spouse will do the same with the bad things. In Ahab’s case, he was already a wicked and idolatrous man, but it was through Jezebel that Baal-worship would first be introduced to the Northern Kingdom of Israel. On the other hand, a good spouse should make you more Christ-like; they are one of the tools that God uses in the process of sanctification.

To be continued…

Living for Reality

Reality. Its just what people need to see. Does that girl standing by herself even know what its like to feel perfect, unchanging love? Does she know she doesn’t have to be faultless to meet some unreal standard, even from people she adores? Does she know loving God and living life is actually an amazingly happy experience of freedom and peace, not a matching set of cruel judgment and rules?

Sometimes, my heart throbs with that anthem on behalf of others. Real life in Christ is so holy…yet unabashedly fun. How do people skip the combo? The forward to a favorite book entitled The Christian’s Secret to A Happy Life from 1883, starts with an anecdote from a “keen observer.” He says, “You Christians seem to have a religion that makes you miserable. You are like a man with a headache. He does not want to get rid of his head, but it hurts him to keep it. You cannot expect outsiders to seek very earnestly for something so uncomfortable.” So I ask you, why miss out when you have it all?

My phone rang and rattled in the cup holder as I drove down a winding road along the waterfront. I saw the name of a dear young girl across my screen and decided to pull over to take it. I steered into a turnout, usually packed with local fisherman: but the sun was so hot this particular morning, that I found myself alone.

“Hello Sweetheart! What’s up?” I answered.

Yells of anger and desperation flooded from the receiver. Surprised, I jerked the phone back from my ear and waited for the torrent to let up a little. The girl’s mother was the tortured voice pouring out the anguish of “bigger issues” onto me with blame from a heart of obvious misery. I took a deep breathe and verbally juggled my own sudden emotions with hers, searching for some sort of comprehension of what was tearing her apart and what I could have possibly done to make it apply to me. She hung up on me after only a few minutes of accusatory, divisive rage.

I sat there for another 45 minutes, at least. Yes, I had a full schedule, but now I had an overflowing heart, too. I prayed, I called my parents, and I just felt plain old sad. The dear friend called back after several hours passed and apologized profusely, taking back her vindictive accusations. Yet, I still lived on in wonder and tearful self-examination. “What’s going on? I just want to love people and be in love with You!” I begged the Lord.

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What’s the connection to the topic of happy reality, you ask? That’s just it. “Bigger issues” aside, whatever they might have been for the poor mommy, her standard of perfection pressed upon others is made by herself from what she has heard is “good.” God has a different standard than ours and sometimes…we are so blinded by self-righteousness or stuff good people say that we block out His glittering glory of mercy, grace, freedom, joy, peace, and downright truth for what it actually is. And God is lost in our image of who we have created in our own imagination. No wonder people live like they have a headache…

I would never in my entire life cross a parent’s boundaries for their own child. But at the same time, I find in myself a need to abide by a standard so much higher in a different way than apparently can be comprehended by those blinded by their own opinion. God makes demands upon me to live for Him, without any fake layer of perfection. He has asked me to yield to Him to change me day by day, but also to be real about my thoughts, my attitudes, my emotions, and trust Him with how others take it. Meanwhile, I cannot be tossed around by mere good people’s opinions and perspectives…and neither should they. What does God have to say? And how does He want your life to look lived before Him…and the entire watching world? I cannot live for you, regardless of how much I love you. 

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My Precious [Pig] Pain

“People will hate you for saying what you have to say, you know.” A mentor told me warningly.

 “Being someone’s confidant, especially when that person is in sin is scary business. Its like medicating a pig. You’re going to get bruised and dirty and they don’t care that you are trying to help. All they know is pig. Pig is most important. Pig in pain.” My brown-haired brother told me.

“You know who people are. You just do. So make sure you let God pick who you hang in there to help.” My black-haired brother comforted me.

“I can’t have any more of my daughter being sacrificed for foolish people who won’t take real love. Let ‘em go.” My dad implored from his bench in the woodshed where he worked, as I listened from the seat of the lawnmower.

“You better be checking that you’re right and you better have a clean record.” My mom always warns me, her eyebrows knit together.

“Just quit taking people’s [bad behavior].” My baby sister rants, snatching the fluffiest pillow.

“I hope Satan never loses your address because you have chosen to become unworthy of his attack.” A pastor friend preached.

So I balance these thoughts from treasured people…And I look into a world of pain. Usually, the needy people sure don’t look like “pigs” to me despite my brother’s truly insightful remark, and I want to hug them and give them the truth that makes me so free! But there are things I have learned over the years of being a mentor and loving plain old people.

• Women counsel women and men counsel men or it is soon properly titled something else.
• If someone’s life is one big drama after drama of trouble or rumors, don’t touch it with a fifty foot back scratcher unless God commands you to crucify your reputation and be Christ to the drama cannibals. And sometimes He does.
• When people bash you, which is inevitable, self-examine and hear them out. But always realize that your love is on Satan’s radar and He really wants to rip you up.

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• Don’t seek people out to “help.” Let them come, and if you love them truly…they will.
• No matter what…Be real and honest.

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• Don’t attempt to fix, meddle, or… give advice to someone who is not ready.
• Wait for God to work. This often means keeping your mouth shut about their obvious issues and your knees on the floor in prayer, while keeping your window of opportunity in their life open for the right moment.

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• Don’t expect to be heard, but expect to hear.
• You had better be so connected to the Lord in your thoughts and life, that you don’t get
• Sucked dry
• Put down
• Trapped
• Saying the wrong thing
• Lost
• Stressed
• Feeling hopeless
• Burned
• Oh, you will have some of those things happen, but at least you will have no guilt that it was your fault, and you will know something bigger than you is happening for God’s glory.
• Others will judge who don’t honestly care about the individual you mentor. Deal with it, inside.
• Be trustworthy, and breaking confidence better be epically rare.
• Never talk down to anyone.
• Nobody can argue with experience, even if truth is rejected.
• Enter every conversation realizing that it is probably you who is going to learn something today.

I will always keep loving and always keep learning. So thank you Lord for this beautiful sacrifice called love that You did first. Help me to do it right.

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Crushed? That's Nice

For reasons bordering on mere unsatisfied curiosity being cruelly persistent, I now choose to bend to reader request. Again. However, this is not my love life I am going to write about. This is not my personal life I am going to type up. This is what happens.

It has become apparent that I am profoundly unconscious of true male interest. One gets inundated with a separate kind of flirtatious interest, and they can become hard towards realizing and believing someone may actually be serious. (I just may be that aforementioned "one" and I just may be learning to deal with that.) But, I have been asked, does my mind actually run the other direction, towards men? You bet.

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What's a girl to do with the soaring emotions bordering on worshipful admiration, melting like chocolate inside, and a burning desire to be loved by a certain one? Yes, every girl has it at one time or another.

1. First of all, we must thank the Lord that we are normal! Praise Him that you have healthy desires and that you a properly functioning human being.
2. Then, turn your eyes upon Jesus. Tell Him what you need, want, and wish, and tell Him you desire to trust Him to direct that part of your life since He cares more about it than even you ever can. "Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth." (Colossians 3:2)
3. Treat the guy who glows in a crowd to you, like he's your brother, but don't seek him out. What do I mean? I'm not being complicated. These are important ways to treat the guy you are drawn to, but leaving to the Lord.

• Treat guys how you want your future spouse to be treated by other girls
• Realize that if he is a man that you are so sure he is, you must give him space to make his own decision about you without pressuring him
• Do not objectify him mentally through scrutiny: he is a normal human to be courteously respected!

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• Don't change who you are to become more like what you think he might notice or like
• Realize that if he is the "right one" nothing is going to mess up God bringing you together eventually
• Avoid silly and useless relationships with foolish guys in the meantime...

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• Let your "crush" go and be yourself again. Remember? You really can have a beautiful life without a man in it!

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• Realize that your needs are met through one place alone. Now is a great time to live with the knowledge and function of the fact that no man or human can ever meet all your needs. Develop a network of godly friends for support, but most of all a powerful, dependent relationship with Jesus Christ. (Whom have I in heaven but thee? and there is none upon earth that I desire beside thee. Psalm 73:25)

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• Plug yourself in and be passionate in supporting a purpose bigger than you: your church, family, a ministry, community service, etc

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I don't have to stuff my desires and pretend I don't have them, and I definitely shouldn't chase them all down. But I must focus my lens and narrow it in on the most important things already given to me to pursue. When it is a guy, I'll know it...And, trust me, so will the whole world.

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Recognizing Brutal Adoration

Thankfully, my little sister is more verbal than most. Why do I say “thankfully”? Because I have discovered that her little heart is full of so much unsullied clarity of life perspective that she unwittingly constantly pours into mine. With younger siblings, it is simple to write off the stream of talking as babble mingled with tonic of absurdities, a dash of profanity, and a heaping dose of reproaches, finally poured over an expression of immaturity. But more often than not, it is where true love is uncovered.

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Years ago, I was in a difficult relationship that older sisters will get into. My little sister practically verbally shredded the man to me every night before bed through her mental cheese grater, while I groaned back about how hard it was to hear her constant belittling when I was just fretfully trying to “sort things out and decide for myself.” When she was around him, she used her not-so-subtle ways to get across her heart: “he wasn’t good enough for her sister nor respected her adequately.” The story actually includes her vomiting on him. Yes, I am sorry to add that part. Purposeful, direct, explosive vomit is terribly effective communication…if people will realize it is on purpose.

Now that time has passed and he is too (i.e. my dad has asked him four times on our behalf to move on), I can see what my baby sister saw. She was telling me the truth in her own way. I fell on our bed and cried a couple days ago with the realization of how terribly I had treated her through that time, when she really just loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Days still come and go where I take a swing at her verbally (or physically) asking her to “please quit telling me that!” when the reality is…no one else would be brave enough to tell me my glaring faults. Those who have siblings, have been given a treasure in their kin’s brutal honesty, love, and in my case, adoration: that relationship can’t be found anywhere else. (Yes, I do mean “brutal adoration.”)

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At the recent girls conference, Lauren and Mikaela Cash shared a talk called “Don’t Just Live with Your Siblings.” Personally, I am giving them five stars. Their talk starts at minute 2:35.

Digesting Decadent Disortation

Some people are just so quotable, and I spend at least the following week digesting their words. It is like a delicacy of flavors swirling and mingling together a spicy zing with a tangy sweetness. You close your eyes and its actually some time before you even allow digestion to begin, really, because the flavor alone mesmerizes silently, experientially. Practically speaking, I’m actually talking about Gerhard DuToit, itinerant worldwide lecturer I heard on Sunday.

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Pungent

“When God is at work, the enemy is at work. I hope he never loses your address.”

Salty

“Good dead people are everywhere, but man, they are good and dead.”

Bitter

“When God’s people lose the spirit of repentance they lose their power.”

Sweet

“Realize the depth of your ‘inheritance’! Don’t lose the reality of your riches.”

Sour

“Abram also had a wife, so watch it!”

Smoky

“Your brain should be a concordance, accessing references of Scripture on any topic you desire.”

Savory

“Are you really processing ‘the new and the living way’ in the way you should be?”

Spicy

“It costs more to hold things back from God, than to give what He asks.”

Horseradish and Wasabi

“Don’t go back to that which you are so sure of that justifies you in such a legalistic way.”

Briny

“There are levels of the presence of God, and the degree to which it comes is in proportion to the degree of our brokenness before Him.”

Refreshing

“When God puts things together, He will turn up in the midst.”

Rich

“Don’t be distracted by anything but the centrality of Jesus and His indwelling.”

Tangy

“It is never what we are doing for God, but what God is doing through His channels.”

Smooth

“If you have favor with God, you will have favor with people.”

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Do WHAT to My Parents?

^{Exodus 20:12} Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.

“What does it mean to honor my parents?” I frequently asked myself as a frustrated teen.

Then I inquired again as a young adult, as I continued to wonder at adapting this illusive concept into practicality.

Now that I’m (potentially) old enough to be your mother, I may have “figured it out!”

Does “honoring your parents” mean…

• Thinking of them with every action or attitude?
• Attempting to frame your life around their desires for you?
• Allowing your parents to vicariously live their dreams through you?
• Only doing their ideas or suggestions, while setting your own aside?
• Forcing yourself to “suck up” to them, so they make life easier?
• Adopting their standards or convictions so they are happy?
• Choosing not to “think for yourself” to make sure you don’t collide with their opinions?
• Keeping your mouth shut around them, so they don’t know x, y, or z?
• Forfeiting honesty towards your own heart, so that their life is easier?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, I argue with you that your parents are not actually being honored and you are wasting a life that is actually yours.

If you strongly reacted that these are insane thoughts you would never dream of thinking, I argue with you that you may be more drastically selfish than you give yourself credit.

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I don’t know all the details, but for me and my life…This is the “honor” I have come to realize.

• Living a life dedicated to Someone eternally more important and loftier, than even family…and sacrificing your desires to reach higher goals for the cause of Christ
• Building your life upon the gifts (time, lessons, wisdom, discipline, etc) your parents have given, but ultimately choosing for yourself how you build thereon.
• Investing reciprocally in the family’s needs (time, cleaning, financial, food, etc) without motive of gain
• Pursuing a relationship with your parents in the realization that no beautiful friendship is one-sided
• Attentiveness to their needs and what they are telling, showing, or teaching you
• Mutual respect, and often respect for their God-given authority more than waiting for it to be deserved
• Thoughtfulness
• Gratitude

When I found this place of “honor” my parents were more “pleased” with me than they ever were before when I vacillated between unhealthy "worship" like the first list, and a continuous frustration with “not measuring up.” Be yourself. But be the kindest version of yourself living for a higher purpose, and as a by-product it is certain your parents will be honored.

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Beauty in The Valley

The day finally dawned with sunny breezes, and my tumbling, excited thoughts. I scrambled to get ready to make it in time. I had prayed for this day, for so long: and here it was...the Becoming Beautiful II Conference!

Ruth and I speaking together. She's a treasure!

Lies skit with friends

Learning about Beauty Myths
and dressing in correct proportions and colors for you.
Our models are Lauren and Mikaela.

This is the first session, recorded live, called "Finding Beauty in Your Valley." Yes...that's me talking all over the stage, and my sweet friend, Ruth. The talk starts at minute 12:41. I pray God uses these words to bless you, as much as He has powerfully used the same truths in my life...

What If I?

Ever say to yourself...

"What if I make the wrong choice?"

"What if I choose the wrong marriage partner, school, or job?"

"I could blow my life up with just one misstep!"

Not so fast.

Psalm 26

26 Judge me, O Lord; for I have walked in mine integrity: I have trusted also in the Lord; therefore I shall not slide.

² Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; try my reins and my heart.

³ For thy lovingkindness is before mine eyes: and I have walked in thy truth.

Did you read that? Trust in the Lord and you will not slide. Keep your perspective fixed on Christ's lovingkindess and truth, asking God to examine your heart. It is a promise. He will keep you, if you trust! So hang on tight. 

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Worthy of Honor

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I knew a man, once. He could have been my uncle: he was so kind, sweet, thoughtful, and tender. Every time he saw me, he would call me over and share an encouraging word and a big, friendly hug. I love his wife dearly, and look up to his daughters 100%: they could be my big sisters any day. One of his daughters told this story once...

When C was sixteen, she got up the nerve to go talk to her daddy about something very important. She explained to him how much she loved him, but how much it hurt, scared, and frustrated her when he would sometimes get loud, harsh, or angry. He heard her. He committed to never do that again, by the grace of God. And he did not. End of story.

I respected him before I heard that...But after? I almost died of respect overdose. What kind of man does that? That's love. And that's Mr. Reed. I will miss him so much and my heart goes out to those who were close to this dear man.

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