Exodus 20:12 Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.
“What does it mean to honor my parents?” I frequently asked
myself as a frustrated teen.
Then I inquired again as a young adult, as I continued to
wonder at adapting this illusive concept into practicality.
Now that I’m (potentially) old enough to be your mother, I
may have “figured it out!”
Does “honoring your parents” mean…
- Thinking of them with every action or attitude?
- Attempting to frame your life around their desires for you?
- Allowing your parents to vicariously live their dreams through you?
- Only doing their ideas or suggestions, while setting your own aside?
- Forcing yourself to “suck up” to them, so they make life easier?
- Adopting their standards or convictions so they are happy?
- Choosing not to “think for yourself” to make sure you don’t collide with their opinions?
- Keeping your mouth shut around them, so they don’t know x, y, or z?
- Forfeiting honesty towards your own heart, so that their life is easier?
If you answered “yes” to any of these, I argue with you that
your parents are not actually being honored and you are wasting a life that is
actually yours.
If you strongly reacted that these are insane thoughts you
would never dream of thinking, I argue with you that you may be more
drastically selfish than you give yourself credit.
I don’t know all the details, but for me and my life…This is
the “honor” I have come to realize.
- Living a life dedicated to Someone eternally more important and loftier, than even family…and sacrificing your desires to reach higher goals for the cause of Christ
- Building your life upon the gifts (time, lessons, wisdom, discipline, etc) your parents have given, but ultimately choosing for yourself how you build thereon.
- Investing reciprocally in the family’s needs (time, cleaning, financial, food, etc) without motive of gain
- Pursuing a relationship with your parents in the realization that no beautiful friendship is one-sided
- Attentiveness to their needs and what they are telling, showing, or teaching you
- Mutual respect, and often respect for their God-given authority more than waiting for it to be deserved
- Thoughtfulness
- Gratitude
When I found this place of “honor” my parents were more “pleased”
with me than they ever were before when I vacillated between unhealthy "worship" like the
first list, and a continuous frustration with “not measuring up.” Be yourself.
But be the kindest version of yourself living for a higher purpose, and as a
by-product it is certain your parents will be honored.
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