Recognizing Brutal Adoration

Thankfully, my little sister is more verbal than most. Why do I say “thankfully”? Because I have discovered that her little heart is full of so much unsullied clarity of life perspective that she unwittingly constantly pours into mine. With younger siblings, it is simple to write off the stream of talking as babble mingled with tonic of absurdities, a dash of profanity, and a heaping dose of reproaches, finally poured over an expression of immaturity. But more often than not, it is where true love is uncovered.

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Years ago, I was in a difficult relationship that older sisters will get into. My little sister practically verbally shredded the man to me every night before bed through her mental cheese grater, while I groaned back about how hard it was to hear her constant belittling when I was just fretfully trying to “sort things out and decide for myself.” When she was around him, she used her not-so-subtle ways to get across her heart: “he wasn’t good enough for her sister nor respected her adequately.” The story actually includes her vomiting on him. Yes, I am sorry to add that part. Purposeful, direct, explosive vomit is terribly effective communication…if people will realize it is on purpose.

Now that time has passed and he is too (i.e. my dad has asked him four times on our behalf to move on), I can see what my baby sister saw. She was telling me the truth in her own way. I fell on our bed and cried a couple days ago with the realization of how terribly I had treated her through that time, when she really just loved me enough to tell me the truth.

Days still come and go where I take a swing at her verbally (or physically) asking her to “please quit telling me that!” when the reality is…no one else would be brave enough to tell me my glaring faults. Those who have siblings, have been given a treasure in their kin’s brutal honesty, love, and in my case, adoration: that relationship can’t be found anywhere else. (Yes, I do mean “brutal adoration.”)

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At the recent girls conference, Lauren and Mikaela Cash shared a talk called “Don’t Just Live with Your Siblings.” Personally, I am giving them five stars. Their talk starts at minute 2:35.