What My Brother Did to Me...

Suppose I tell you what my older brother actually used to say to me when I was little. In fact sometimes, he still does this. I'm going to post his real words right here, unmodified, for the entire world to see. Here we go.

“Thank you for asking, but you know I forgave you as soon as you did that to me.”

“Keep practicing like that and you’ll be better than me by tonight!”

“Wow! Can you show me how you did that?”

At first glance, one may think Nathanael would spoil me and keep me from knowing “real life” by raining such kind words around me all the time. But honestly, it has built me instead of destroying me. “Real life” in all its painful authenticity, has a way of teaching itself, without stuffing it down little children’s throats in detrimental ways— Somehow, (just stating a raw fact, here) I don’t struggle with doubting myself or comparing myself to others, and it is not because I am unaware of my obvious flaws! I’m convinced my security and confidence is at least partially my oldest brother’s fault. 

An older sibling has no idea what power they possess over their younger kin. So many people grow up unbelieving of themselves, afraid of rejection, marred by memories of painful words and sessions of pointed words aimed to teach them a lesson. Memories of vindictive spite from people, who should love them, keep them from trusting others, and block healthful friendships of the future. But wouldn't they get spoiled and conceited if those they admire were to “be too nice”?

Quite the contrary. The most humbling moments of my life are when Nathanael would say the opening quotes to me.  Yes, my heart felt happy from the kindness, but I was mortified. Lying in bed with my conscience at night, I frequently become reminded of what happened in a day. As a child and a teen, that usually meant realizing the hurts I had caused my older brother with my own quick, prideful tongue in a day. Sliding out of bed and pattering across the dark hall, and creaking open the boys’ door, I’d say,

“Nate?”

From the dark came, “Yes? What?”

“I’m so sorry I made you feel stupid on purpose today, both times. That was so miserably mean. I’m so sorry! Will you forgive me?”

“Thank you for asking, but you know I forgave you as soon as you did that to me. Its Okay."replied quietly and sincerely.

Then after brief pause, "And, Jo, please remember I always forgive you before you ask me?”

Ouch. It still makes me cry. Actually, his response was quite effectively the deepest and most painful stab he could unwittingly administer just by being so kind from his heart. Not only did I learn what love and forgiveness looks like, my wrong-doing seemed even more horrific. And I hope in the meantime he felt grand and heroic, because he should have.

I knew he was a splendid pianist. After all, he’s my big brother, right? But yet he constantly compliments my attempts to copy his virtuosity. It quite effectively reminds me how much I have to learn to be like him, while giving me “warm fuzzies.” You can’t really top that in a compliment. And building me up never made me actually think I could possibly be approaching his level of amazingness--nor did it raise that famed animostic sibling-rivalry.

Besides, I could read in his face that he was fighting his own pride when he said those things, frequently even biting his tongue and grimacing as only twelve-year-old boys can do. I got to daily see his example to “dieing-to-self” so I would feel special. What better example could someone give to a watching younger sister, than that, alone?

Okay, so, yes, I am spoiled: but only because I have such a great older brother. But otherwise, being kind and tenderhearted even in the face of irritation, only builds and never destroys. Shall we try it today?