· At work, Richard’s daughter rang into his cell phone, nestled in his pocket. He snatched it up, “Honey, I told you not to call me at work! No, no, no…We’ll talk about Facebook when I get home. Now…No. Hang up. I’m at work!” He quickly clicked it shut and began explaining rapidly that he told her never to call during work and he was so sor—and the boss (my dad) asked for her number. Dad dialed her number. Dad says, “Is this Ricky, daughter of Richard Thomas? Yes, well, this is Richard’s boss calling.” That’s all he said. She started screaming, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! I got my dad fired! He’s fired! Oh no! AAAAAHHHHHH!” The terrible man on the phone handed it to her daddy and let him do all the calming. This is my dad’s sense of humor. He’s kind of funny—like that.
· Which reminds me. My dad wears a brace on his leg under his pants. At church in the presence of a crowd of small boys, he will sink push pins through his pants into his “leg” one after the other, slowly, unflinching. He will watch their little petrified, awed expressions as he continues his row of sharp objects down his obviously calloused limb. Then he chuckles when they grim-facedly try it…without a brace on under their pants. Needless to say, he rates rather high in the respect of these wee men folk.
· So, it’s a good day when you buy your little sister a Christmas gift and the sweet blonde girl behind the counter says to choose a free color of OPI nail polish. I picked “I’ve Got the Blues for Red.” Watch out. I has red nayeels.
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| I've Got the Blues for Red |
· Realized today that all my “most embarrassing stories” are supposed to be embarrassing to me, not the listener. I don’t have any like that, though. They’re all just hilarious.
· I did not watch “Breaking Dawn” nor do I plan to, actually. Matter of fact, I never saw “Titanic” either. Don’t stone me. I’m yet romantically intact and sufficiently culturally educated.
· Momma canned more pumpkin. I tried to take the rings off of the sealed jars, all my muscles straining, my teeth clenched. A sigh may have escaped me. It was impermeable! Utilizing hot water, lid tapping, my fellow house-women, soap, and all accessible means of screw-lid removal…I failed. And this is coming from a buff water buffalo of a woman. The lid remains, awaiting a dashing, gallant prince…water buffalo.
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| So handsome!! Nevermind. |
· I got a gift card for one of my favorite stores from my bosses. They are so awesome.
· Prepping for the storm, I poured water from old gallon storage jars into a pail for the bathroom—while in the kitchen. My mother asks me why it was not done in the bathroom. My father asks me if I can even move the bucket. I confess my laziness combined with Herculean strength to the doubting onlookers. Tongue-in-cheek, I avow to my cynical audience my ability to carry the full five gallon bucket of water at arm’s length, by its edge to its final destination without difficulty. I do so, complete with additional demonstration of its ability to be held at any level requested. All this to say, “I’ve been working out and it’s working out.”
· I went out to early morning coffee with a mommy. I love how moms are so perfect for their children, how there could never be a better match than that of a mother with her child and their needs. We went to Ace Hardware and shopped together, too. Aren’t simple pleasures the best?
· I did more unthinkable things to back my beliefs this week. I know. That sounded horrible when I said that last week. Trust me. It’s a good thing to say “no” to things you think you really “want” sometimes.
· I AM SO EXCITED FOR THANKSGIVING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT IS MY FAVORITE HOLIDAY OF ALL HOLIDAYS AND I AM GOING TO CELEBRATE LIKE I HAVE A MILLION THINGS TO BE GRATEFUL FOR, BECAUSE I DO.
· My sister made pumpkin scones, twice. I looked at them longingly, twice.
· As much as it is possible to do so, I “caught up” one afternoon over texting with my handsome, athletic, Godly, charming, normal cousin in Marysville, Missouri. He’s so cool and so taken.
· Last week I should have mentioned that I went to the gym as a guest visitor with my girlfriend. We kicked our cardio up a notch by talking while doing. But, I compensated by doing the world’s weakest weight job in front of the mirror and crowd of little, spooky eyes. I only stared at someone’s muscles’ abilities in complete shocked awe once. I closed my mouth after a while. I had a good time with my friend, though, especially afterwards chatting in the van until we had to stop.
· No. Seriously. The bulky, ripped Asian was hanging on by one hand, holding his body over said hand, and slowly rotating his extended legs all the way around said hand midair, in a giant body circle. Like forty reps both directions. I didn’t know it was possible without special effects. It was part of my week, OK?
· We threw a party for all the employees at Master’s Orthotics & Prosthetics. We did that because it’s a Thanksgiving tradition and we like these people we work with. So she’s eight, quadrupled in size, and very needy. Business is good, competition is better, but we are the best. www.facebook.com/mastersoandp
· My older brother turned 25. Twenty-spicecake-five-oh. What a miracle. Who would’ve known we would both live this long? And him, verily, even unto such a ripe, old age?
· I went to visit a friend. I faux-finished her bathroom wall with glaze of green, wielding a sea sponge of yellow. We talked about life and marrying men over fifty. Then we kindly reassured each other that although it may be necessary, we were completely joking. The parrot laughed.
· My brain made five pies one morning and then my hands did one afternoon. I liked watching people’s faces while they ate them and that’s not weird. Yes, I made them from scratch with homegrown ingredients, but only because I don’t know how else to make them. Care for a slice of apple, cherry, pumpkin, blackberry, or chocolate a la mode?
· So, I got very sick. I threw up a few times. I got bleary vision and fun stuff like that, but I laid in my brother’s bed so that when he comes home the germs will be waiting for him. Aren’t I just precious sweet?
· I texted my bro in earthquake land only to find out one of his floor mates has caused a writhing, slithering, shiny cockroach infestation. So, I stopped texting him. Just like that.
· I adore people. But, especially the ones who decide to change and actually do what’s right after they’ve done what’s wrong. Just had to say that.
· I apparently “got lost in Walmart” in three Black Friday friend tagging Facebook posts. Yes, this is noteworthy. I now absolutely refuse to go to Walmart on Friday. I’m taking my Walmart fate into my own hands now.
· Don’t break your neck. It is not cool. It hurts. And my dad will put a halo on you in the emergency room while you are drugged. And if you’re allergic to morphine and start attacking him, he will still torque it into your skull. Ok? Ok.
· I actually did monogram cut-out cookies for placecards at a dinner party. True story.
· So if you put tiny red wagons in a tall glass vase, next to a tall glass vase lined in snowflake-cut tissue paper accented with flameless candles, next to a tall glass vase with a swirl of colorful wide ribbon curled inside, all on top of a bisque runner with stacks of coordinating wrapped gifts it makes a beautiful centerpiece for a business party with a red wagon mascot, right? Right? Party is ready.
If you felt that I asked a lot of questions seeking affirmation today, its because I like you because you read my blog. That’s all. If I said too much about parties, it is because I was responsible to think too much about them. Have a good week. Mine was actually pretty sweet. Don’t you think?
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