Giving Away to Give Way

I beat the dirt trail through the woods with my feet, because it is the best thing to hit. I swallowed harder everyday. Tears were honestly only millimeters away from overflow, despite my sincere smile. My head hurt. How could it be? Years had passed me by, along with his value up until the past few years.

The truth is, I finally realized I was losing my father. But wait, I never "had" him. If not today, next week, or next year...someday he would be gone. I never realized that I thought he belonged to me. His cancer is said to be spreading by some and by others to be clearing. What I know is that he is in pain. What I know is that he is here now.

A friend walked along beside me through the woods a few nights ago. My secret tears found their way out without permission while we talked. She told me of the day her father died -- almost. The glaring details of the hospital moments, expansion of infection, and the fading of life touched a chord. I could touch the cold steel of the hospital bed, hear the beeping of monitors,  and the clamor of the personnel racing to save what narrowly remained. I heard the door close behind her as she fell to her tired knees and cried out, "Lord! Save my daddy if he will bring glory to You with continued life, and take him away if he will be a dishonor Your name! He is Yours." He lives and he lives.

That's when I realized I held my daddy so close to my heart that I had not let him go. We are not supposed to carry that weight, as it does not even belong to us. We are not to "have" anyone, ever. So, I raised my hands in the woods and gave him away. So much gave way. If mental pressure gives a headache, then I have the cure.

With the phone to my cheek, I told my dad before I fell asleep that night. I told him I would be OK if he has to go...and absolutely thrilled if he can stay. God is good.

Who do you think is yours?

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