I wonder, myself, how I got to the end of this week. I will be surprised if you make it to the end of my week. It’s been like that. If there is a recurring theme of “weddings” in my recounting of a sampling of a week of experiences, it’s because once begun, they are naturally invasive of one’s very existence.
· During the reading of an intriguing chapter of Exodus after dinner, my sister made use of the leftover sliced olives at the table. When I glanced up, she was staring at me blankly for added effect. It was apparent that she had silently adorned herself completely in "hoop olive piercings”: lips, tongue, nose, ears, eyebrows, and all …So very…creative. When Mom and Dad finally looked up, they had magically disappeared and she was smiling sweetly. (I mean, the olives had disappeared. She’s not that naughty.)
· My dad’s marshmallow gun got jammed, much to his consternation one night. After he got it repaired, I heard him call the old collie and they went off on the property, gun over his shoulder and ammo in hand. When I left the stove to watch, I discovered that the dog and the chickens actually like to catch shooting marshmallows.
· So someone tried not to bite my nails this week thinking about a friend climbing a deadly mountain in Colorado, complete with having to draw a gun on a brown bear and falling rocks narrowly missing him. Kudos to you, Ryan, for making it out alive! I don’t worry much; just get concerned when friends are in obvious danger. And my fingernails are fine.
· We had to cancel a meeting regarding the next gigantic Girls’ Conference currently in the works! The conference is still coming soon, but my ability to meet about such things at this wedding time is coming slower. Beautiful for God The talks from the last conference should be availabe now!
· I watched my father get “arrested” for muscular dystrophy charity. We received about $350 in small change and donations in our little jar on the counter to pay his “bail.” All the staff gathered around to watch him be taken away by the fire department, teasing and laughing. As he walked out the doors, I confirmed with him that he had signed the blank checks before he left so the girls and I could go mega shop-op-peeng while he was in “jail.” He nodded his head absentmindedly, distractedly, accidentally—untruthfully. It is so cute when he does that “yes” when he is preoccupied. (I should stop setting him up for that one. It was good for Sunday afternoon computer games when I was eight—and I’m not eight very often anymore.)
· The man who put dad in handcuffs for the same event, snatched dad’s cane and helpfully said, “I’ll get this for you.” I couldn’t help but pipe up a little concerned, “Excuse me, but people who use canes usually need them.” I’m not sure what he was thinking, but maybe he wasn’t. Handcuffing a man who needs a cane and taking it away before he starts walking? One might as well just push him over to get things rolling…
· Ran into an old feedstore customer of ours while I was out shopping. Well, it is more like I stopped to talk to him in a store. He’s still keeping his farm and remembered my whole family’s names. He still honks every time he drives by our home and he still wants his son to ask me out. He still wasn’t wearing any shoes. Talk about memories. Since we sold the store, I miss those customers; and the rich, country smells of feed and hay.
· At my desk on Thursday I did too many squats and lunges while scanning in paperwork. Now I think I should have stopped at 150—or taken off my heels.
· I made the most beautiful checklist of my lifetime this week. I outlined ten pages of tiny, color-coded, categorized wedding details for Ben, Jess, and I as they get ready for their wedding on September 25. If they check every box, it will be the best day of their life. If they don’t, it will be the best, unorganized day of their life.
· I stopped by a rental place to arrange some wedding details. The pale, little gray woman with flowy locks and a raspy voice traipsed me around their seedy premises and fawned over me eccentrically until I feared I might become rude suddenly and accidentally. My mother was equally mortified, as I could tell by her pink cheeks and strange expression. I dreaded when I had to stop in again to rent the silver punch bowl and aisle runner. But this time a toothless old man waited on me and invited me to come into the warehouse out back to meet “Killer.” I declined. I had met the nigh 20lb Koi already on my last visit. The visit where Mom excitedly asked if they ever rent that fish out. Really, Mom?
· Nightly, I’ve been having the most unusual dreams, ranging from strange, violent acts to seeing random people I haven’t thought of in years. I must be cleaning out some mental files. Had some humorous dreams about some people, such that it will be hard to look at them with a straight face again…My apologies to both of us if it is you.
· Jess asked me to be a bridesmaid and I am so honored!!! Then she chose our bridesmaid dresses of clover green and Grecian drape just as the store was locking up. When I tried it on the following morning in the brilliant teal below in my size, I was offered a job as a window model for the day in the bustling bridal shop. I told the manager “no,” but I was notified before I left that they sold that dress to two other brides just while I was there wearing it! I guess I was being watched while I had it on. How interesting. I haven’t decided what to think of all this yet.
· My wondrously skilled and thoughtful mother color-matched and began crafting shawl wraps for the bridesmaid dresses. They are silken and a golden bisque hue. I shall keep mine forever: my mother and the shawl.
· Speaking of bridesmaid dresses, out-of-the-blue my mother paid for my dress. I was thoroughly expecting to pay myself! Oh happy dance and song and mirth! I am everlastingly grateful.
· We found Jess’ dream wedding shoes in Nordstrom, while we listened to live piano music and a hundred Saturday afternoon shoppers. Peter, the Asian college-student salesman, fitted the delicate soft golden sandals onto her bridal feet and brought her a dozen other shocking choices, explaining their imminent value to a bride. Her eyes were still sparkling at the first pair, while I gaped in horror at his suggested boxes of dazzling, platform, clubbing shoes. Meanwhile, her tiny, flower-girl sister helped herself to some size 11 pink mesh pumps and tried walking.
· I’d like to say I researched and ordered all Jess’ impossibly beautiful flowers in enormous quantity for her wedding, wholesale from a trustworthy source, delivered for only $180 total. And, happily, I can. Connections are wonderful things.
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| These flowers are the inspiration. Hers will be similar, but with Asiatic lily's and some other surprises... |
· While surviving off of Altoid mints alone, my mother, sister, and I found a wedding outfit for my sister. Before we lost all hope, we discovered that there is indeed still clothes in this world that is lovely, flattering, and modest for plucky, plump, thirteen-year-old girls.
· Details are falling together for a bridal shower for Jess for October 6. I hope they all land at the same time. And I do hope everyone who wants to, can come!
· My mother and I were thrilled to find a charming yacht club restaurant for Ben’s Rehearsal Dinner that charges an amazingly minimal amount! We tried not to make too many stifled excited noises and we succeeded some of the time, while the manager relayed details about free linens, music controls, and other inexpensive fortunates. Mom abruptly asked to go out and take a look at the waterfront walkway and deck outside the private dining room, while I continued conversing. I think she wanted somewhere to praise the Lord loudly! http://yachtclubbroiler.net/index.htm
· Group shopping with girls is such hilarious fun. And group bridesmaid shopping, takes the cake. We must have been in dressing rooms and stores for hours, lost in merriment.
· Sunday afternoon I had the privilege of doing an engagement photoshoot for Ben and Jess. There were so many beautiful happy moments to capture. I caught a few.
· It seems that having photographs made into canvases through Costco has got me so very excited! But it does not have me nearly as excited as having a talented young man ask this week to paint a photo he saw of me into acrylics on canvas. I said “yes,” and I can’t wait to see his painting! I hope someday to even touch its bumpy smoothness, even though it be far away in Minnesota.
· My poor big brother seems to be getting my cold shoulder when it comes to the cookies I owe him for those flowers he sent last week. I can’t even seem to reply to all his questions lately, let alone bake him some wonder-cookies!
· The tuxes were ordered, and they let me know it was complete with the most noteworthy color of radiant yellow-gold for vests and ties. I literally had heart palpitations when I saw the flashy yellow and imagined the ceremony accidentally being confused with an out-of-season Mardi Gras bash! God worked out the details when I stopped by the next morning, and thankfully the colors are a little different now even at such short notice.
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| I kid you not...From this to this. |
· I ran into the same Doctor every morning I stopped in at my coffee shop and based on his analyzing stares, I think he’s still trying to figure out how he knows me. He doesn’t. I just look like my dad for some reason. I think I startled him when I said “hello” the last time, as he tripped and stuttered something that didn’t sound like a Doctorate from Yale or wherever.
· It is final. Nylons are my worst enemy. Between every other patient I roomed and insurance company I called one day, I had to add more “You Don’t Know Jacques” fingernail polish to the runs lurking in my hose, trying to prevent the inevitable. I definitely looked diseased by the time I got home, adorned in deep brown splotches. My sister gasped when I stretched out on our loveseat. I assured her they were only burns, not the plague. She was very sympathetic and began to poke them.
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| You Don't Know Jacques by OPI |
· I’m afraid I am sabotaging the office, working there every day now. I didn’t realize it would be so surprising for others to see “Chocolate!!!” appear on the shopping list beneath sundry medical supplies, and even I become frightened by my own words. Yes, I told someone they would “have to get diabetes with complications this week or your foot orthotics will not be covered by Medicare.” Based on the silent reply through the phone, I think could have worded that differently. Hopefully, I can get into the swing of the new position soon for everyone’s benefit (and eligibility and coverage and deductible and co insurance and authorization and…).
· I have a need for completely self-cleaning restrooms during this busy time. I should very much like to just have them polish to a sparkle without my assistance. Someone should definitely have invented that by now. Yes, I am looking into Japanese self-cleaning toilets…when I could be cleaning the bathroom.
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| They play music, too. Its nice. I guess. |
· My sister declared at the dinner table that she wants her “face to be soft as a frog’s belly and smooth as goat’s skin by their tail.” Oh my. I never would have thought of that. Those are extremely soft and smooth as I recall, albeit highly unattractive as thoughts when related to one’s face. But, Mom’s reply? “That’s good. Just don’t say that other places. People will think of a toad’s back or like a goat’s knee.” Wow. I wouldn’t have thought of THAT, either, actually.
· While racing through JCPenney’s to find my Dad the perfect wedding tie, I took a detour to feel bathrobes. Indeed, they were so soft and luxurious, comforting, and reminiscent of resting that I couldn’t resist pausing for a while to run my hand across their downy softness. And then my phone went off again and the clipboard came out of my Mary Poppin’s bag and I had to leave the friendly fluffies behind.
· I embarrassed myself laughing at our slender, blonde Jess sitting on the loveseat at the office with a pink, wrinkly, bald, old gentleman talking indefinitely about honeymooning. Her feet didn’t quite reach the floor and she was blushing pink and calmly saying it “wasn’t necessary to mention that part,” as he gave her detailed directions how to get to the nude beaches of Maui. I texted Ben amidst my laughter and he asked to have her rescued from their honeymoon travel agent before Mr. Agent took her to Hawaii himself.
· The brilliant sewing machine my sister won for writing an essay this summer has been buzzing away. Even with school starting back up, she is piecing together a remarkable handbag from scraps of fabric. If I could give up Coach, I would switch to her unusual designs. I may still. I may steal.
· My grandmother called and wants to offer her crystal goblets from her wedding long ago, for Ben’s toast at his wedding. What a charming, nostalgic, loving gift for his wedding day!
· I am starving for more of Jesus in my life. It seems I can’t get enough of His presence, fullness, guidance, generosity, love, forgiveness, grace, freedom, purity, joy, timeliness, thoughtfulness, and inexplicable peace. If you’re not sure you’ve ever experienced such things for real, or don’t know what I’m talking about, we should talk some more.
· My misty rose bridesmaid dress for the Texas wedding of my dearest friend arrived!! It arrived in Texas, anyway. As my doctor can testify, my body has done strange things this year and my dimensions differ from the original measurements ordered. Who knows if it fits? I shall find out when I get there: for the wedding…
· Ben made me a milkshake as compensation and we had the most epic wedding planning meeting to date into the night (with Jess and my advanced checklist, of course). I’m proud of that guy. He really is planning his own wedding, doing the yard and foot work for it, and paying for everything from his pocket. It’s like he doesn’t know to do it any differently.
· My sister has been sleep-walking. I wish she weren’t so loud and didn’t stop to shake the ladder on our loft when she came back to bed after whatever it is she is doing with the lights around the house.
· After reading on Troy, the Greeks, and Achilles one night as I fell asleep, I decided to update my original blog post here on the word “Mymridon.” It has changed a little and history has not.
· Some things I thought this week
o If I were blind, deaf, dumb, and paraplegic would it be easier to be Christlike? Not really.
o I would honestly rather work for my dad than anyone else in the entire world. (Considering who we are, where I’ve worked, what I’ve done, and what I’m doing now, that’s saying a lot…)
o If I didn’t have a cell phone would I be safe? Probably safer.
o I hope I will be a sweet, old woman someday. But I bet I will be very short and fat.
o Our office staff is so fun to work with, even on realistic bad days with tears and anger.
o Why don’t I plan weddings for a living?
o Hopefully I will not say to my little children, “No no. Bad boy.” but instead, “No, sir. Bad choice.” And instead of “Good boy!” I hope to say, “Good choice, son.”
o Cheap-looking undergarments are so incredibly tacky.
o If Jesus sweated blood just thinking of a severed relationship with His Father and taking on the sin of the world, then I can sweat…about nothing.
o Music is getting louder in retail stores.
o I wish I could tell people in such a way that they could know it: how beautiful they are, how talented they are, how loved they are.
o My Jesus, I love Thee. I know Thou art mine. If ever I loved Thee, I know tis now.
o It would be so fun to wardrobe people for a living.
o Only when you know all the factors involved, can you judge what the least common denominator is.
· I have less than $38 now, but oh my, do I have some nice things to give away to all these happy people in my life now! I am grateful my coffee place gives me coffee. So nice of them. No, I don’t think I look destitute. I think it is rather that they are much too nice.
Ah me, this week my mornings felt like nights and the rings around my eyes seemed to darken. Someday soon, I shall go on a honeymoon by myself. And I think I’ll sleep most of the time. And I shall be wearing the softest bathrobe known to mankind. And I won’t call insurance companies or give anyone diabetic complications. I won’t gain weight and I won’t wear nylons. I shall not have odd dreams or even think about weddings. I shall not drink coffee from necessity, but for simple pleasure. That is all. You made it to the end of a sampling of my week. You are officially longsuffering and therefore also eligible for the bathrobe.
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