Destruction of a Thought

In the rush and hustle-bustle of pre-wedding photos, a friend pulled me aside.

“Johanna, my mother told me this morning that she talked to hurt and offended people who wanted to be here today and are closer to the bride and groom than me, so I think it would be best if I left, too. People saw me get up from church to leave early to come to the wedding, and they were talking about it.”

“But, you’re here to help me, not as a guest. Can’t you stay?” Tears started to my eyes without my permission, realizing people I care about were offended and misunderstood. My mind swam in hurt to think that these (unidentified) people could be so misunderstanding and selfish. Don’t they know the whole planet can’t fit at one place no matter how much you may want them there? Can’t they understand you have to choose sometime who helps and who doesn’t?

“I think it would be wiser if I left before the ceremony. I won’t stay.” She quickly added.

“OK.” I nodded my head and looked down, and then I turned away hastily. My name was being called for yet another photo with the bride and groom, and tears were not hiding as well as I would have liked.

Accidentally believing what one hears from a friend happens faster than you may believe. In that instant I had an opportunity to be very upset past a moment, and I narrowly missed it. For an instant, I absorbed it. Hurt, dislike, and judgment crowded my emotions. Supposing I continued to agree in my heart the initial implications that certain people were upset and chattering behind my family’s back that “they were not invited”? What if I wrote off a crowd of people as “So immaturely lacking understanding and judging based purely on their own ignorant selfishness”?

Pretty soon, I would begin to cut off those people emotionally. I would begin to respond to them as if it was a fact that they were ignorant, selfish people. That never goes or ends well. And if there was the chance that was not the case, treating people with such a belief, soon and always, makes it into the case. "Cutting off" others, gets you "cut off:" severed, as well.

Now just supposing people were talking, being immature and selfish about none of their business...Well, I feel badly for them. They must go through a lot of painful things that aren't actually painful for people living in reality. Their best bet is talk to the people who have offended them. And the same is true for me. And you. Scripture says, "Go to your offenders." for a reason.

 

In such situations, you have to hit yourself on both sides of your face, shake your head to clear the fog, and realize that not everything even your dearest friend implies should be taken as pure truth. Besides, maybe I misunderstood. Maybe she misunderstood. Maybe we were both in a rush at a wedding. Some people may say that this is my constant weakness for extending the benefit of a doubt.  It actually might be a purposeful decision that any individual can choose: to make, to redeem, or to preserve relationships in your own mind.

 

We all have a choice. It is mind over matter, again. Choosing what matters over your mind, because it matters. If this sounds like something I've said before, its because its important enough to say again. Besides, we all still have to smile for photos for the rest of our lives, and being happy from the inside out, helps.