It is the night my father sits at his place at the head as I set dinner on the table. Hot whisps of steam rise from the loaded tray as I slide the cover off a sharp blade and make the first slice. It's all so weird and completely normal. Tonight we eat pretty silently, but between my sister and I we exchange secret glances and quiet gestures. So I asked the question.
"What did the Doctor tell you, Dad? What's happening?"
He slowly unfolds a complicated looking paper with typeface and handwriting I don't recognize. He keeps glancing at me and his eyes are red-rimmed, just a little. Then I already know what he's going to say. My stomach tightens and I set my fork down beside my half-eaten food.
"It's carcogenic cancer. They say it's probably in my lymph too, spreading who knows where. I have another appointment tomorrow at 2:30."
I reach for the paper after he reads a few lines and passes it my way, still glancing at me with that odd expression. I quickly begin scanning it, pausing and reading aloud at anything that sounds positive.
"The intercranial scan is normal. The lungs are clear. The..." My voice trails off as I smile at him while mom makes positive comments about the people she worked with in the cancer ward a while back, how the cheerful, hopeful people make it out alive and well. I keep my head from face-palming into my hand as dad grumbles something about just hoping he can die well.
We gather around him and pray. More upbeat, hopeful, honest, heartfelt prayers hadn't been made before that crowd showed how its done. Then I run to the restroom and kneel over the toilet, waiting for my dinner to exit. My heart feels odd: so acute in horror, yet peaceful in knowing the truth that God's plan is so much bigger, so much better, and so unfathomable. He wants glory. He wants worship and praise. He wants all of my heart to break into His big, kind hands.
That was the family dinner I'll remember for a long time. And now I wait for the beautiful unknown to become an interesting tomorrow.
Praying for you and your daddy, sweet friend......(((Big Hugs)))
ReplyDeleteLisa Banks (Alivia's Aunt)