I saw that. I laughed. It is true. But why?
I forgot I told her about my porch until she mentioned it to me again. When she asked me at coffee that morning about my porch, I had to think for a second. But it’s true. I have been sweeping my porch lately, quite well, whether I want to or not. I just have to do it.
Inside my house is me. No man comes in and sits on the sofa enveloped in the soft pillows with me, sipping from steamy mugs, unless I open the door first. Once someone did come into the foyer, before I asked myself to have him leave. Another time my dad asked me to allow a short visit with someone inside. But, the front yard is full of friends and acquaintances, while strangers pass by in the street. Those who break in at the back window get carted off. But those friends who ask graciously to come in, are gathered on the front porch.
That house is me. And you get to choose for your house what you do. Why did I “sweep my porch” of those nice gentlemen that I like that like me, instead of asking them all in and encouraging close friendships? A cousin asked me last week, “So, what are you going to do when you’re thirty? Are you going to change and finally try different guys out? You know, let them into your life even if they don’t seem quite like you or your faith or don’t care about your folks?” The answer is simple. I’m too nice. I do like people. I like the idea of love. I like to sit on the couch and drink good things. I might let anyone in if I didn’t keep house fastidiously, sweeping my porch.
I was so glad she asked. The values you hold for yourself in the area of potential life partners, should be standards you would keep even if ten years from now you were terribly desperate to get things going in the marriage department. Standards should never just be a thing you have, or things that sound nice or godly. They’re there because of something defined; and if you don’t know why you believe something then please consider not believing it. Despite a soul’s desire, I’d rather be single forever then married to the wrong person because I was “feeling hopeless” or didn’t know what I thought.
The sweet lady at the doctor’s office had a captive audience in my sister’s patient time-biding in the waiting room all alone. She whispered over the desk to my little pal, “Why doesn’t your big sister have a boyfriend? I mean, she’s so hot!” We laugh about this, and maybe even partially accept the compliment, yet know the reason “why.”
I sweep. I say “goodbye.” Yes, I am all alone in my house and it gets quiet without a close guy friend by my side. Sure, I confess it bodes gloomy sometimes, even despite my faith, my desires, and my lovely friends. But I can’t let the wrong person in: I have no choice if I’m truly kind and selfless to all the wonderful people in my yard, while meanwhile adhering to what I have learned to be “right.” The people in the yard have future partners, too, who deserve the best without my messing around with them first.
Then my mom-friend interjected, “It’s the right thing to do, you know. Don’t feel badly about doing it. Do you think your future spouse would want or appreciate all those people on your porch? Do you think a good man would trust you if you let nice people in regularly, just because it felt good to you?” She is right. I could just as easily fall in love with someone else after I was already married causing disasters of irretrievable size, if I’m not living sensible boundaries now.
You also get to choose for yourself. You get to choose who answers the doorbell. My dad gets mine these days and a lot of people think that’s weird. Trust me, there’s more respect in the neighborhood when a man answers your door for you. But, ultimately, I am the one who decides who comes in. You run your house, though. Do what you know is right for you.
Who is on your porch that needs to go? Maybe he’s just there chilling on your mind’s veranda; even he’s never been serious towards you. Married or not, what good does it do to entertain houseguests you actually can’t have over? Maybe just think about it. I trust that the “right one” would respect a clean porch. I certainly do. Besides, this way he will be able to see that the door is there.
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